Every toddler craves the attention of their mom and dad. Each morning a toddler wakes, glossy eyed from their slumber, their young heart bursts with joy once the door cracks open and their parent affectionately greets them good morning.

A parents’ proud loving looks from across the room, the long lingering hugs – the kind of hug where they fold their entire body protectively, massively over a young child. For the parent, it is a way of showing love in the form of touch. For a toddler these acts, simply stated, is ‘protection’. The parent is making a statement, “ You are loved beyond measure. I am your person. You can count on me. I am your protector.”The toddler accepts these unspoken declarations. 

HER PROTECTOR. 

She was 4 years old and all she knew and all she had was this man to whom she lovingly referred to as her dad. Despite never witnessing the unspoken declarations, she just instinctively knew he was her person, her protector. 

He would disappear most days until the late hours of the night. She quickly realized his pattern and knew he would come home around the time when it got dark enough & quiet enough to hear the hiss of the wind hitting the window. It was during this moment, she would hear his footsteps arrive. It was at this moment, her heart began to beat with excitement. He was home. Would he come in to check on her and make sure her blanket was lovingly placed to shield her from the crisp cold of the night? Would he lovingly peek in on her, his little baby girl? 

He did not. 

In her hopeful heart, maybe he did know to check in on her.

One evening, her young toddler mind concocted a plan to remind him she was there. She had a music box. A Fisher Price music box record player was her toy. She would place one of the 5 plastic records onto the needle on the record table to hear the music.  

The plan was to have it all set up and the moment she heard his footsteps, she would immediately wind it up so the music would gently play. Ever so softly it played.

• London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady- 

He never came in to check in on her. 

With relentless determination, the music player was set to play night after night. Always ever so softly it played. 

Maybe he was tired from work, she thought. Maybe she did not wind the record player at the very precise moment it needed to be for him to hear it. Maybe the record player was not loud enough in the dead quiet of the night. She tried everything and different placements of her music box.

He never came in until one night he did. His footsteps finally walked towards her room. Her heart raced with excitement. She kicked off some of her blanket. He was finally coming in to lovingly check on her. 

With her eyes tightly closed to portray deep sleep, she waited for him to pull the blanket ( that she purposely kicked off earlier) over her. She imagined he would lovingly tuck her in. 

Atlas, his footsteps arrived at the foot of her bed!  And with frustration, he grumbled, “ Why is this silly toy on? “ He quickly shut down the music box and walked out in annoyance. 

The Fisher Price music box record player never played again after that night. What it did bring was an avalanche of many years of disappointments of a father’s love that never showed up in the way this little girl needed. 

Thanksgiving November 2024, to stow away from the black Friday mayhem, a woman walks into the bookstore with her husband and adult daughters. In the bookstore, this woman finds herself walking towards the children’s section. Right in front of her is the Fisher Price music player and immediately she was pushed back 45 years in time.

• London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady- 

The memory was so crisp in time that all of her emotions exploded right in that aisle, right in that bookstore, right at that very moment. She frozed for a few seconds and it felt as if her mind left and the only thing left in the shell of her body was her broken heart. Her fingertips stretched out to touch the time capsule and upon the touch, she found… FREEDOM. 

She bought the toy. Her husband and her adult daughters asked who it was for? She answered simply and without follow up or any invitation for questioning, “ I bought it for me.” 

She walked away and right up to the check out. 

With love in her heart and a pounding conviction in her soul, she proclaimed silently, “ I bought it for me. To lovingly remind myself that I am loved by me and to always know the blanket of self love will always keep me warm through the cold of the night.”